In all our lives, each and every one of ours, we have thousands of stories to tell. Most are left untold. Some are left as memories. Others are upstaged by the happier memories. Time is flowing, and each second passed came from the previous one; all tomorrows come from yesterdays. The present is gone as soon as we think about it, and the past only lives in memory.
Right now – the present. There are so many things happening in the same span of the second we spend thinking about the “present”. A million events going on at once, all seemingly isolated from each other, but intricately intertwined with each other.
As the world spins, the clock ticks. And the winds blow in a direction predicted days or weeks ago. Graves are dug, and new lives fill the hospital wards.
In a life fraught with much trials and tribulations, in a room somewhere off the beaten track of an intrepid tourist, is someone trying to figure out all the angst and sudden surge of wisdom that plagues his mind, all in the face of a little trouble. Right now, he is looking pretty tired, staring at a laptop and trying to get inspired. There’s a story to tell.
My life has taken an abrupt and macabre twist, again.
Anxiety filled the air. My heart raced. I sat still, waiting. I didn’t know what exactly I was waiting for. A reply? Prerhaps. I flipped open my mobile phone, which was held firmly in my hands. The bustle of the clinic did not sway me away from my perpetual focus. The smell of Chinese traditional medicine, particularly herbs, wafted from multiple sources to assault my olfactory sense.
I spontaneously scrolled through the list of messages to the one that was received ten hours ago. My heart sank as I read the words off the screen. I went back into my shell, the state I had confined myself in for as long as my memory served me. It was almost a natural ability.
For the past two days, I have tried to cheer myself up. Nothing worked considerably well.
Something jolted me out of my thoughts, temporarily. I could remember, so vivdly, a visit to a special place. It was heartwarming, almost as if taking a casual jaunt down memory lane. On the way, the bus trip was evocative of memories. Every sight in between stops were repositories of childhood memories. That, was two days ago. It filled me to the brim with nostalgia.
My trail of thoughts ended there abruptly. There was a void, something so conspicuously missing, that oppressed my emotions. A chain is as strong as its weakest link, is it not? Living so vicariously, as I have tried in the past two days, I have failed terribly to fit myself in his shoes.
Everywhere I walked, there was a void. Voids he was supposed to fill. There, were spaces reserved for my dear friend. I missed him. He wasn’t there to attend class. He wasn’t there to talk. He wasn’t there to answer my phone calls.
I closed my eyes, hoping this dream would quietly pass me by. At last, it wasn’t a dream, and across my seat, there was another person, sitting alone, with his lips puckered. And, there, was another story to tell.
He just wrote the best thing that he’s written all week, but his best friend’s coughing up blood in the sink. He can’t even think what happened – he’s feeling so confused and he knows it looks bad, but there’s nothing he can do.
I wonder what it’s like to be right there in his shoes.
- Exceprts from “Right Now” by Fort Minor, written by Mike Shinoda.
P.S.: ZS: I know you don’t get to read my blogs very often, but I want you to know (whenever you get to read this), you’re not fighting this alone. I may not fit in your shoes and experience the pain you have gone through, but mentally, we will coalesce as one. Stay strong!
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